Remember when all DIY shop staff wore brown coats and went out of their way to be helpful, even to the point of hunting in the storeroom for an age for that double-sprocket 2 and 2/16ths wassname you wanted? It was an oft repeated and genuine example of what is now euphemistically referred to as "Customer Service", something that back then did not have to be advertised as such because it was ubiquitous and taken for granted.
Right, rose tinted spectacles off, it's back to the here and now. Today B and I made our annual visit to B&Q specifically to take advantage of their much advertised "20% off" day. I wish I'd stayed at home. Firstly as we don't drive we always have the bulky items delivered. This entails going to a separate order point and have the sales assistant punch in the order details. Well, she would have done if the computer terminal had not frozen. A trek to another terminal which worked produced an order sheet which we take to the checkout. At this point it has to be said that the ignorance and rudeness of Joe & Jemima Public was starting to grate. At both computer points we were interrupted by various noobs butting in to ask where the gardening section was or somesuch. Why couldn't they bleeding well wait until we'd finished? I could sense B getting slowly more wound up, but I have learned to control my once instant temper by taking an almost Zen-like outlook. It's only after the event that I tend to go a bit wibble!
Anyway, we reach the checkout with our delivery order and sundry smaller items to take home, only to be told that the woman who had processed our delivery order should have put the 20% discount with it, but hadn't, so checkout woman rings other woman - no answer. Instead of sorting us out she then serves another customer - un-fucking-believable! We're then told to stay where we were while she slouched off to find our original helpful lady. Eventually she comes back and I tell her I was on the verge of just leaving everything and walking out, to which she says cattily "Well, I'm only helping you get your discount" as if it was my fault first woman had left it off the form. I bit my lip. B had steam coming out of her ears. Checkout woman now interrupts her reprocessing of our order to answer another queue butter's question. Iwasthisclose to telling him to fucking wait his turn, but remained in "Zen" mode amazingly. I paid for it all, she gave us our receipt which I instantly felt did not look right.
Having eventually paid for everything we went for a coffee to chill a bit and while sitting there I discovered we had been overcharged to the extent of half the discount due on the delivery order - it's a good job I'm an accountant, as I'm sure others may not have noticed, at least until they got home, if at all, such was the complicated nature of the receipt. I decided I would sort this out on my own, as I could see B was ready to "have a go"! After another twenty minutes I had been given a refund for the missing discount, and the guy who sorted it seemed to become much more helpful once I told him my profession - can't think why!
In the end the "shopping" part of the visit to B&Q took less than half the time spent paying for it and sorting out the various cock-ups. It may seem on the surface that all the staff at B&Q speak English, but don't be fooled, as none of them appear to understand a word each other are saying.
In the words of John Cleese, "if you want anything done in this country you've got to complain until you're blue in the face." As he said that over 40 years ago, he doesn't know the half of it!
If anyone from B&Q Northampton reads this, how about you invest in a computer system that doesn't crash at the slightest hint of hard work, and tell your staff to treat discounts in a standardised manner. It's not rocket science surely?
When I got home the release valve flew open and a good stream of invective poured forth from yours truly, but was soon tempered by the fact that something had told me earlier in the day to have a flutter on the Grand National for the first time in years, and Ballabriggs won! Yee and indeed ha, times one hundred!!
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