27 Dec 2012

Fuggy heads, Xmas gaucheness

Well, we all entered the new Mayan era unscathed, Jupiter's still there, and then we got through Xmas Day and we all survived! Woop-de-woo or summat. I've been quaffing the Glenfiddich and if this makes less sense than usual then so be it.

Right, this might make ya smile. It's a good job Suzi has a sense of humour, that's all I can say. Some months ago she wanted me to get her a compiliation of chill-out pop music called Keep Calm And Relax. The album cover is the logo on a plain background in the style of the wartime slogan "Keep Calm And Carry On". This particular compilation was available on Amazon so being a lazy sod that's where I went to get Suzi's Xmas Prezzy rather than brave hoardes of dribbling fools in HMV.

You know when you look at something on Amazon it lists similar items you might be interested in? Well, the cover pic for this particular CD is identical in layout to two other CDs of almost the same name. Let's just say I ordered one of the three. The CD arrived, I wrapped it up, gave it to my friend and forgot about it.

I suppose you can see what's coming? On Xmas day I get a text from Suzi saying "I hope you've kept the receipt". I didn't twig, so I called her. She said she had unwrapped it, put it on the CD player, and, rather than the calming tones of Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars caressing her ears, she gets the nerve-jangling wail of an air-raid siren followed by White Cliffs Of Dover or similar. I had bought her "Keep Calm And Carry On" containing "Over two hours of favourite wartime music".

We both laughed a lot. B laughed a lot. I am an idiot.. :)

Was Dr Who good? You see, I've no idea, as that programme has become the next best thing to a dull football match guaranteed to put me to sleep. I reckon I watched about 10 minutes of the Xmas day episode before succumbing to the land of nod. Merlin, that's far better in my book; give me sword'n'sorcery nonsense over kiddies cod sci-fi bollocks any day of the week.

Does anyone out there find Miranda funny? If so, please explain. Strikes me she's a reincarnation of Norman Wisdom who I found about as funny as flu. She's probably big in Albania

Right, back to the whiskey...hangover booked for tomorrow as I've got to brave going back to the office at some point. wish me luck, and have a grrreat NYE!

7 Dec 2012

Ice Ice Baby

It's going to be a wee bit chilly next week, with Shoesville's maximum temperature in the limited daylight for the entire week expected to be a mere 1C, with predicted night time minimums on a progressive downward scale to a snot-freezing -10C by a week on Sunday. Don't you just love winter?

Then of course, on the following Friday the 21st, the world ends. What I want to know is does it end at the beginning or end of that day? It would be a bit annoying if it was the former as I have a birthday meal booked on the evening of the 21st at the best restaurant in town, the Thai Nam Tip. Oi, Itzamná, let me have my fave scrumptious beef yellow curry before you blast us into the netherworld, ya bastid...

Speaking of restaurants it was good to see that the best (only?) true Indian restaurant in the county was back on form last week, when Team Squonk spent most of its quiz winnings on a damn good nosh at Pooja's in Wellingborough. Phill and I nearly always have the same starter, sharing a Chili Paneer and a plate of Mogo Chips (luvvly chips made from cassava roots), and I have to say that last week's was probably the best I've ever experienced. And the service was unusually quick too. In fact the whole thing was a complete contrast to the utter nightmare of the previous visit, which was so bad it put B and I off the place for months; suffice to say, all is forgiven.

Having spent the last two weeks away from the Vic in a semi-successful attempt at boosting the coffers, next Tuesday we will return and conquer...or more likely come 3rd.

Judging by the news in this country it seems that Kate Middleton is the only woman ever to become pregnant, and therefore the also first to suffer anaemia. Bloody 'ell they don't half lay it on thick when a Royal gets up the duff, do they not? Earlier this week while watching BBC Breakfast having suffered over half the previous half an hour on the bloody subject of the posh foetus, we return from the local news to Susannah Reid (gawd she's no fun that woman - bring back Sian!) kicking off with "Let's talk babies". "No Susannah, let's not talk effin babies" shouts me at the telly reaching for the off button. She redeems herself slightly before I get to push the button by saying "Will it be a boy, a girl, or both?" Yes, that's what we want, the first hermaphrodite Royal!

Politicians are all slime, well mostly, but Gideon takes the biscuit...well, actually he snatches it from the grasp of the defenceless with one hand while picking their pockets with the other. All in it together? Well, him and his mates are, yes, giving themselves tax breaks they don't need while slashing at the subsistence existence of those who rely on the State for support. Not to mention keeping all his share dividends in megacorps healthy by continuing to let the likes of Amazon ship their profits to Luxembourg. It's bloody embarrassing when we rely the pressure groups like 38 Degrees to shame Starbucks into paying £20m in Corporation Tax over 3 years (mmmm, go a long way that will, doncha think?) while our rulers lie through their teeth about how everyone makes a contribution to cutting the deficit.

We're all going to die, possibly on my birthday! Yippee!