"A lot of fruit flavours, maybe even cherry pie. I get a lot of ink, sort of ballpoint pen ink, and I've heard others talk about the phenolic, gluey, sticky notes"......
.....it's actually a quote from a bloke called Dave Kahle on the merits of a bottle of lager, brand unknown. Dave, who is described as "one of the world's first beer sommeliers" (arf arf) is clearly so far up himself he can see his own tonsils swinging (if that's what tonsils do) before his very eyes.
This little gem inspired me to search out that never ending fountain of bollicky verbiage, wine tasting. Here's a few of the more larger testicled and pseudo persuasion:
"Medium-weight and freakishly evil white. Throws out whole-wheat bread, hopeless frosted pop-tart and semi-weak sweatsock." Ah, wine like old socks...lovely...and the "..hopeless..pop tart.." must have been the one "cooked" by Bolton footballist Kevin Davies!
"Tightly wound but over-ripe Dessert wine. Starts with roasted meat, open-ended onion and semi-weak raisin." A raisin with a semi! God forbid!
"Powerful and aggressive Rhone. Starts with strawberry jam, french-oaked tangerine and hopeful chutney." Hmm, I've often thought that my glass of plonk was missing a spoonful of Branstons...
"Pineforest nose, early warm rain, summer fruits, then bongwater, latterly sweet oily slippage. Drink through 2004." Can't argue with a bit of oily slippage...
"...sufficiently young to make my molar fillings ache." When it grows up it'll knock yer falsies down yer throat...
"On the nose, this is very lactated at first. As it opens up, you can smell delicious sour cherries. On the palate, you can feel the youth of this wine...it's really rich, poised and complex but still tight." Make your nipples explode it will....Oooer, missus...
"Heavy-weight but longingly elegant Barbera. Forcefully bites you with currant, astounding blackberry and corpulent clay. Drink now through Tuesday." Barking mad....
"Well worth the suicidal hangover achieved by drinking it." One I understand, at last!
One of these was made up my moi, and one was concocted using Silly Tasting Notes Generator, the rest are supposedly genuine!
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Facebook continues foisting shite on the world with it's "Which Is Best?" rubbish, where some cove (you know who you are) puts up some nonsense like Which is Best? Yorkshire or Lancashire? Like me, if you're gullible enough you vote for one or t'other (heheh). Lancashire, obviously.
One came up today asking which I considered to be the best James Grant solo album. Utterly impossible to answer, as I'd never heard of him. The choices I'm presented with are "Sawdust In My Veins", "My Thrawn Glory", and "I Shot The Albatross", titles so daft I thought the whole thing had been made up. I particularly liked "Sawdust In My Veins", Mr Grant's concept album about erecting a shed in his back garden, so that gets my vote!
Our quizmeister summed it up by asking us all to vote Yay or Nay on whether or not "This "Question"
Having checked on Amazon I'm confounded to find that the Grant albums actually exist, and by clicking on some sound samples my curiosity is roused as his voice has a lot of the Scot Walker about it. Hmmmm...This was meant to be a rant on some useless Facebook app, but as it might mean I've discovered a singist whom I could actually like, I eat my words...chew, masticate (upmarket chew), chew again, spit, splutter.....
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Check out James Grant's 80s/90s band Love And Money. They made some great albums.
ReplyDeleteMiguel.