27 May 2012

Naked Decorating

...well, in this heat it's the only way to do it. Actually I slightly exaggerate, I wasn't completely stark, boxers were worn. There doesn't seem a lot of point in getter paint roller specks on your trouser sausage after all.
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Last night saw an expedition of blokes to Delapre Abbey Beer Festival which despite only having a third of the beer left by the time we got there still meant a choice of 90 or so real ales. I would tell you what I had but you don't expect me, Mr Memory, to recall such fine detail surely? Suffice to say the two pints of Oakham Ales Bishop's Farewell in The Malt Shovel on the way home were the two best pints of the evening, and upped the alcohol content to beyond the point where remembering what was consumed right now a bit of a problem. Something I can retrieve from my frazzled synapses were the astonishingly over-priced and over-cooked hot dogs at £4 a pop! It's amazing what mashed beer drinkers will pay to soak up the ale, me included.

My imbibing colleagues were the two Ds and Geoff, who has kindly posted the photographic evidence on Facebook. This is one of the less frightening examples:

Three Bellies & A Wippet
It was good to see you three miscreants who I'd not been a-drinking with for years. By the time this pic was taken we were all quite inebriated. Surprisingly my hangover today is only of the "mildly grumpy" variety.
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Right, it's time to strip off and get down to the matt vinyl emulsion...

15 May 2012

Rhetorical.1

Bloody weather. Why has March swapped places with May this year?
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Why do bands who peddle cliché-ridden self-aggrandising piffle of the lowest order have bigger audiences for their yawn-inducing drivel than bands who actually try to do something different?
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'kin Kenny is denying reports he's going to bottle it - again. Does this mean he will be gone by the time the owner comes back from Boston?
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Does Joey Barton have nice hair because his head is full of manure?
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Where are the other seven real ales? Did they ever exist?
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On the same subject as above, will I have a headache tomorrow morning?
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Will Rebekakakakah Brookes be found guilty?
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Would you rather be Greek than American?
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Bloody weather....did I say that already?
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Happy Birthday Brian Eno, 64 year-old genius that you are. You have delighted us with your esoteric and genuinely progressive music over the years, and long may it continue (see second rhetorical, above).

8 May 2012

I Am (no longer) Kurious Oranj

It's the last day of my two weeks off...boooo! We had a few days in Amsterdam with PW & CW and a jolly good time was had by all. One of the things Amsterdam is known for is bikes. If Katie Melua was right, and there are 9 million of the things in Beijing then there must be at least half that number in Amsterdam. Most of them appear to be permanently parked up...

Hmmm...I know it's here somewhere...
This is a multi-storey bike park just outside the main train station. We arrived at night so we thought that come morning rush hour they would all be gone, but not so, and they didn't seem to be touched in the four and a bit days we were there. This also seemed to be true for other mass bike dumps, but that's not to say there weren't thousands out on the streets where they have their own bike lanes, and are a law unto themselves. Out in the evening sitting outside a bar PW and I observed that although most bikes had lights a good 90% couldn't be bothered to switch them on, and all bike riders wear the darkest possible clothes. Not only that but only around 50% seem to observe red traffic lights, all this making walking around at night quite an experience. The other odd thing about Amsterdam traffic is that taxis give way to pedestrians! Who wouldathunkit??

Being a long time ex-pothead I was constantly aware of the all pervading scent of cannabis sativa, and on Sunday night when the Dutch were out in orange force celebrating the eve of Queens Day, the air was a mixture of alcohol and weed, a quite heady mix I can tell you. As the result of a culture were weed smoking is accepted as normal the atmosphere of the city, although vibrant, does not have the manic edge of London, which can only be a good thing. However the forces of conservatism are never far away, and I learnt on returning home that just prior to our departure the Dutch powers that be had passed a law banning tourists from smoking cafés, not that anyone seemed to be taking any notice!

We went to the Van Gogh Museum, which is a obviously a must and once I had seen the four paintings on my "to do" list, my low tolerance threshold where art museums are concerned kicked in. To be honest seeing the famous self-portraits of the Dutch master in actualité was a bit underwhelming, added to the fact that the place was heaving with tourists, ruining any atmosphere. Some folk were going round in a long snaking line at a pace a snail would be ashamed of spending ages at every painting. I'll admit to being a philistine heathen were high art is concerned, and I cannot fathom where they get their patience from. Now, if we were in a science or living museum (Ironbridge Gorge, the cradle of the Industrial Revolution being a fine example) spending ages looking at the inner workings of a Victorian smelting plant would be no problem!

While the others were keen to visit the Anne Frank Huis I did not fancy depressing myself by confirming the depths that human beings can sink to in pursuit of a cause. I know the story, that's enough for me, and look at the queue!

While my companions were there I went for a hike round the city, indulging in coffee and sticky buns at appropriate intervals.

Tulips, many many thousands of them form a riot of colour at Keukenhof Gardens which is another must see...


Our final evening coincided with the eve of Queen's Day were every Dutch man and woman wears something orange, heads into the city and carouses until the small hours. A great way to end a holiday!


Amsterdam is a great place and we would go again, the only difference being that B and I would fly as the train journey takes too long even without the one and half hour delay on Eurostar going out (!), and is far more expensive than a flight.
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