You say to-ma-to.....

"Me stormcock, buy elephantitis for your hatstand women? No?"



The phone rings on my desk today...

Me - A**** Accountants, can I help you?

Caller of indeterminate, probably Asian origin - let's call him Muamar - "Allo is beginning to call??"

Me - I'm sorry could you repeat that?

Muamar - Bergun I see, can fishtramplemybicycle (...actually something completely unintelligible), no?

Me - I'm sorry, but you're making no sense at all. Are you able to speak English?

Muamar -  Bergum, is this time I say again. Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense....(actually he didn't say that, but he may as well have done!)

Me - What? (followed by a silent "the fuck?") You do realise the number you have called is a firm of accountants?

Muamar - Oh, (strange sounding doggerel), me go now....(hangs up)

Me, to dead line - Ground Control to Major Tom....