Gazpacho Soup - Part Three - The Windermere Self-Immolation Society

After the war I decamped to the English Lake District, where inspired by a song from West Country beat combo XTC's first long playing phonograph recording, I set about establishing a quasi-religious cult under the banner of The Windermere Self-Immolation Society, whose headquarters was to be local eaterie Woger's Westawant, featured dish Woast Wack Of Wamb with Tawagon Gwavy.

mmm...my favewit

Formed on Tuesday morning at 10:07, our two strong cabal, the other member being Colonius Theokojak, honorary Purloiner Of Sticky Buns and otherwise known as Bob Dylan's Grandmother , were soon aware of the arrival in town of retired pirate and one-legged psychopath Bryan Gurvitz, cousin of Adrian who, as we all know, once wrote a song in an attic. He need not have bothered.

Gurvitz was to set up rival cult The TeePees, a shortened version of the full name Twenty Pints Of Boddies On A Friday Night And I'm Looking For A Fight. Bryan would attempt to induct and brainwash unsuspecting travellers and passers-by by luring them onto his pirate ship, the Jolly Roger festooned Good Ship Jaaaag and forcing his by now quaking shipmates to listen to looped music consisting solely of Straight Outta Compton by the charmingly monikered Niggers With Attitude, followed by Beer & Sex & Chips & Gravy by talent free uncouth Northerners The Macc Lads, ad infinitum. Now gibbering and dribbling a bit and in a trance-like state, the passengers could be bent to Bryan's evil will. Although first thought to be wickedness personified, it transpires that the sole aim of the TeePees cult was to encourage its members to roll gigantic spliffs which were then consumed with alarming speed rendering all but the hardiest unconscious. Quite harmless in the grand scheme of things, and frankly better than the second degree burns being suffered over at the Westawant. The Windermere Self-Immolation Society disbanded at Tuesday lunchtime, around 1:30. They were stoned, but certainly not immaculate.

Next time.....the cream cake incident, giggling, Cheesy String on the Isle of Wight, French kissing, mad dogs and Welshmen, Denmark 1 England 2, and the machinations of NATSO, a secret society of Wesleyan Baptists dedicated to two dimensional fauna.