19 Oct 2010

New wave of optimism leads to delusional speculation

It was confirmed today that Wayne Rooney wants away from Old Trafford! Who woulda thunk it?

I reckon Wazza had a masterplan. Improbable I know but bear with me. He decided 5 years ago to move to Man Utd thereby rescuing the only football club he really loves from near bankruptcy. After earning enough money and winning enough trophies with Man Utd to both stuff his bank account to the gills and satisfy his ambition for silverware, he decides to tell Old Beetroot Face "I've had enough. I want to go home". In January 2011 SAF receives bids from Real Madrid and Chelsea (won't sell to Citeh on principle) but Wazza says "No thanks la. I'll see out my contract". So SAF loans him to Everton in January for the rest of the season, where he's happy to play within the club's wage structure as he doesn't need the money. Having narrowly scraped into 4th spot and Champs League qualification due in no small part to Wazza's scintillating displays, in August we come to an arrangement with Man Utd whereby we keep him and give them Jack Rodwell and no money changes hands. In 2010/11 we narrowly finish ahead of Spurs on goal difference, due to Wazza's 27 league goals, and land the Premier League title for the first time.
It's amazing what beating the Shite can do for your imagination!

PS - I also believe in The Man In The Moon, Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, and that the 1969 moon landing was filmed in a car park in Finedon. Got to go now as Kylie wants me to join her in the jacuzzi...

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