He can bowl to the left and to the right!

Yeehah!!!

The smack of Pommie willow on leather, the mastery of Sir Alastair Cook, the deadly eye of Jimmy Anderson, the no-nonsense approach of Jonathan Trott, the easy dominance of Andrew Strauss, the towering menace of Chris Tremlett, jeez, even Matt Prior looked like a world class batsman against the Aussies. Bloody marvellous, innit? :)))


Some records were smashed into another dimension....

50178459 runs scored by England - the highest total recorded anywhere in any reality by anyone or thing.

Lord Cook of Brisbane scored 7041 of those in one innings at The Gabba, one-handed while texting his wife with t'other.

King Cook of Essex also recorded a relativity busting 703 hours 4 minutes 15 seconds at the crease, miraculously avoiding growing a beard by sheer force of will.

Multitudinous majestic thumpings of the Saggy Greens by an innings in one series - another universe straddling triumph.

Other highlights included....

All 17 England squad members scored centuries at one time or another. So plentiful were the tons that Monty Panesar's 103 not out in a tenth wicket stand with Andy Flowers' mum against the Ricardo "Chunder" Ponderosa Cricket cloob select XI went by unnoticed - until now. Well done Monty.

At a rain drenched Adelaide Andrew Strauss appeared to walk on water. Oz captain Dick "Muncher" Poontang referred the decision but Hawkeye footage was inconclusive, so the miracle stands.

So quick was Jimmy Anderson, that he managed to give birth between the fourth and fifth ball of one over in Melbourne, send the future Aussie-terrorising speedster back home to mum in Blighty and still have the strength of character to grab a wicket with the sixth ball. Or did I make that one up?

The only Australian to win anything at all was Ricky "Hopeless Punt" Ponting, who received the inaugural The Most Fun To Be Had With A Name Award, presented by former Green Bay Packers linebacker Michael Hunt, who nobody had seen for years.

Finally the Sydney Fire Department was stretched to breaking point tonight as all its resources were called upon to extinguish a raging inferno caused by the production line overheating at Sydney Humble Pies Pty. The tearful owner, one Glenn McGrath, was found hunched in a corner pleading with his maker for forgiveness.

This is quite amusing...note the author's name is an anagram of Wanton Swill...
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/cricket/reasons-why-poms-wont-win/story-e6frey50-1225955985591

And just in case you've forgotten the words to the song....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JZnzu3vKPM

One El - Thanks for the links!

Some old but still good jokes...
What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes

What do you call an Australian with 100 by his mane?
A bowler

And finally, finally, more history - some classic ripostes to typically witless sledging from Glenn McGrath, who it was soooo good to see handing out awards to England players at the end of the game...

Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so f***ing fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I f*** your wife, she throws me a biscuit"

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever f***ing mention my wife again, I'll f***ing rip your f***ing throat out."

But my favourite wind up has to be....
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

Wahey!
 
Seriously though...
It would be great to thrash 'em in the T20 and the one dayers, but I predict the Aussies to at least win the one day series, as our foot will be well and truly off the gas, having won the only contest that really matters, and Jimmy Anderson will be missing for most of the time on a well deserved 10 day paternity leave break (none of your 6 months off for paternity leave or whatever nonsense is currently law - they do things properly these cricketing types!). Similar in reverse to us winning the one dayers 4 years ago off the back of a 5 nil thumping in the Test series.

Still.......bring it on!