Noddypeak Simpletons

I know a man, he has one ell
And but one dog, of that I can tell
I know a man, he has two ells
He has four dogs, and some ducks as well

J E Thribb, 50 and 323/365ths
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Haider, the Pakistani wicket keeper who scarpered after a match in Dubai after allegedly receiving death threats for not fixing a match has disappeared without trace. The only person who can possibly find him is his Indian mate Sikha......I'll get me coat.

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Some jokes for my nephew:

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?

A: Put your hand in the bell and miss lots of notes.






Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for leaks and alignment problems.

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?

A: A goal post that can't march.

Actually, that last one's quite good...;)

..and another classical music joke:

Q: What's the difference between a cello and a viola?

A: The cello burns longer

 
Seems they're quite bitchy, these orchestral types
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In training for next year's Strictly...




 
 
 
 
 
 

 
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I don't know where this comes from but it's rather spiffing!

“ The bun-sellers or cake-makers were in nothing inclinable to their request; but, which was worse, did injure them most outrageously, called them prattling gabblers, lickorous gluttons, freckled bittors, mangy rascals, shite-a-bed scoundre...ls, drunken roysters, sly knaves, drowsy loiterers, slapsauce fellows, slabberdegullion druggels, lubberly louts, cozening foxes, ruffian rogues, paltry customers, sycophant-varlets, drawlatch hoydens, flouting milksops, jeering companions, staring clowns, forlorn snakes, ninny lobcocks, scurvy sneaksbies, fondling fops, base loons, saucy coxcombs, idle lusks, scoffing braggarts, noddy meacocks, blockish grutnols, doddipol-joltheads, jobbernol goosecaps, foolish loggerheads, flutch calf-lollies, grouthead gnat-snappers, lob-dotterels, gaping changelings, codshead loobies, woodcock slangams, ninny-hammer flycatchers, noddypeak simpletons, turdy gut, shitten shepherds, and other suchlike defamatory epithets; saying further, that it was not for them to eat of these dainty cakes, but might very well content themselves with the coarse unranged bread, or to eat of the great brown household loaf.”