The Wizard Blew His Horn

Hairy has aged a bit since
the first film...

Today's shocking revelation that the vile Australian's Sunday rag may have hacked into the mobile phone of Hairy Porter in order to find out the details of the long overdue dénouement of the seventy one part film franchise in advance of its world premier tonight at the Doon Cinema, Dalmellington has sent a whole generation of 30-somethings, who, lest we forget, were only lustful urgings in their parents' loins when the first film came out, into a scweaming fit of gusset ripping knicker wetting. J R Hartley would only say "No comment" when asked if this would spoil the filmoid experience for the hordes of childlike adults in thrall to Hairy's every utterance, while all the time counting through a seemingly never ending wad of £50 notes in a Uriah Heep like fashion.



"You're my wife, now"

Seriously though, can the powers that be let the moral vacuum that is the vile Australian and his cronies take full ownership of BSkyB at a time when he is more loathed than ever before? Unfortunately, probably yes, for after a short delay for expediency Murdoch's evil magick will cast a spell of fear over the powers that be leaving him to stride on in his quest for worldwide media domination without hinderance.



"Mmm I'd like you to lick that too, but sssshhh,
...you never know who might be listening"


Meanwhile, the flame haired woman with the pretentious parents who carnt spel Rebecca is going through all sorts of semantic twists and turns in the course of desperately attempting to put new spins on her admission back in 2003, while sat alongside former Cameron employee Coulson before a Parliamentary committee, that the NoTW paid police officers for story information, or to put it another way, paid bribes. More interesting methinks is the fact that the coppers have sat on the list of potential phone hacking victims now causing all sorts of moral outrage and indignation since 2006. Why, one has to ask? I think the answer will turn out to be what we may all suspect, but me, I couldn't possibly comment!

One wonders how many folk currently expressing righteous indignation and threatening boycotts of the NoTW, a paper they probably don't read anyway, regularly buy The Times or pay a Sky TV sub? You can excuse Sun readers for they are not supposed to know any better, but the rest should stop paying into Murdoch's evil empire if they had any chutzpah. Of course since writing this Murdoch thinks he's got round the shit & fan scenario by closing down NoTW, no doubt to soon re-open as Norks on Sunday or somesuch. He really is a reptilian little sod that man.

Now then Hairy, where did I put that copy of Mr Norrell's Book of Darstardly Machinations and that potent mix of dandelion, elderflower, deadly nightshade and frogs' gizzards?...I've a cunning plan to turn £50 million pounds into a useless prancing over-gelled footballer. What do you mean, Roman's done that already?.....Oh well, I'll have to settle for £30 million pounds and a lummox........that's been done too? Damn!