Strange Weather

Before I start can I just say that the best bit is definitely at the end!
...........................................................................................................

I had to laugh this morning. On turning on BBC Breakfast we heard that Northamptonshire is one of three counties in Eastern England to be declared part of an official drought region. This was follwed soon after by the weather forecast which promised showers today and tomorrow followed by an all day deluge on Sunday. Talk about tempting fate, and don't these people know that we're now in the monsoon season which will last until the end of August?
...........................................................................................................

This is a copy of the text from a real letter sent to Leicester City Council by a concerned nutter...sorry, citizen sent under The Freedom Of Information Act as a request for information:

Dear Leicester City Council,


Can you please let us know what provisions you have in place in the event of a zombie invasion? Having watched several films it is clear that preparation for such an event is poor and one that councils throughout the kingdom must prepare for.


Please provide any information you may have.

Yours faithfully,

Concerned Citizen

I really really hope that it was written with tongue firmly in cheek, but I kind of suspect given the poor grammar that it was sent in all seriousness! There is no hope.
............................................................................................

Last night was our usual Thursday night down the best pub in town but with an added twist or should I say contortion. Phill and I spend most Thursday nights talking bollocks with the estimable young bar staff, and last night was no different, but the "bollocks" in question were swapped for labia. No really!

Whilst on holiday in Benidorm recently, one of our pint pullers sampled the questionable delights of an "entertainment" on offer wherein a middle aged woman pulls all manner of objects from her nether regions including rubber chickens, fairy lights, and dishwashers. I made that last one up, but only the last one!

Firstly she must have innards the size of a garage and secondly how does electrically lit fairy lights and, how shall I put this...the erm damp conditions not result in electric shocks to her tender bits? We should be told....actually I don't want to know.

The mad bint also fires canonballs across the room using only pelvic thrust. Gobsmacked I was! The holiday snaps should make for interesting viewing I should think.
 
If all that is too much information imagine Phill's and my reaction when told all this by a young woman who imparted her holiday tale in an almost completely blasé fashion. I didn't know where to look. Actually I couldn't see for laughing! Oh, and nether region depilation is all the rage amongst women under 25 so we're told. I dare anyone to deny it!...;)
 
The name of the pub and it's mad but highly entertaining bar staff are witheld to protect the lewd.