A Review Of The Year Gone By
Life
Like most people I know, the draconian and unnecessary slash and burn policies of our pampered elite is leaving me with a diminishing personal economy, which shows no prospect of improving in the year ahead. Indeed 2011 from this side of January 1st looks a frightening prospect, but equally could see new opportunities open up. It will be a scary ride.
Love & thanks to B for putting up with yours truly for another year. Thanks as ever go to Phill and "the missus" for being the great mates, and mentions in dispatches to One El for providing many a fun Tuesday night with his unsurpassed quizmeistery! Thanks too to the rest of Team Squonk for coming up with the answers. There are others who have been good friends, but as they will not read this, not being of the computer inclination, I'll thank them in person.
Politics
What can I say? Voting Liberal Democrat in May proved to be the most disappointing political act I've ever carried out. The cowardice and treachery of Clegg, and, more pertinently, Cable will not be forgotten in a long time. One can only hope that the Daily Telegraph's blundering Austin Powers' like attempts at subterfuge will force this once respected party to grow a pair and stand up to the Eton Rifles in the coming year.
Internationally expect a ramping up of Western (read USA & UK) propaganda aimed at "Ack, Me Dinner Jacket" in I-ran. A thoroughly unconvincing file of "proof" will be produced, full of "evidence" of Iran's nuclear weapons program. The majority of the gullible sheep that populate the USA & the UK will swallow it like it was from Lily The Pink - slightly unpleasant, but of course for our own good. Over here our woeful leaders will be readying the poodle perm in response. More innocent lives will be lost in the pursuit of black gold and the continued world dominance of the capitalist military-industrial complex, which, as anyone with any intelligence worked out before the first Gulf War, has always been the real agenda here. I've been given both Blair's and Mandelson's autobiographies for Xmas, the former I'll read for the self-justification and spin, the latter for the (partial) truth and yet more spin. Fun fun fun! Anyone who believed back then, and, more incredulously now, that before the second Gulf fiasco that Iraq had WMD's needs a CAT scan to see if a brain resides in their collective head.
If this dastardly coalition lasts long enough, expect more marches and riots. I'll be there for the anti renewal of Trident bash, having been on many a CND march in my yoof. I'm older now, so I'll probably be at the back.
Boy, that was grim....now let's get down to what really matters...
Music
New stuff I liked, some of which you might have heard of.......Amplifier - The Octopus, The Pineapple Thief - Someone Here Is Missing & Someone Here Is Live, Hybrid - Disappear Here, Emily Barker - Despite The Snow, Arcade Fire - The Suburbs, Ulrich Schnauss, Cee Lo Green - The Lady Killer (this year's Duffy, likely to be played to death then largely ignored, but thanks anyway Phill), The Trashmen - Surfin' Bird (Stoopid! Unfortunately the XF shite got the Xmas #1, with Surfin' Bird at #3. Amazingly John Cage got to #21, about 50 places higher than I thought it would. Either nobody buys singles these days, or there's a lot of Situationists out there!), Porcupine Tree - The Incident (a 2009 album, but played to death early on in 2010), Frogg Café - Bateless Edge (my album of the year - if you live outside New York State you likely won't have heard of it, but it's an album of jazzy prog brilliance!), Mercury Rev - The Peel Sessions (another '09 album played to death this year), Laura Marling - I Speak Because I Can.
Old stuff rediscovered down the back of the sofa.......Deep Purple - Burn, Funkadelic - Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow & Maggot Brain, Joni Mitchell - Mingus, Hawkwind - In Search Of Space, Neu! - 75, Dr Feelgood - Down By The Jetty.
Sport
Football - The 2010 Fuckwit & Jobbernol-Goosecaps Awards
My team, perennial underachievers Everton, along with Blackpool are hereby jointly awarded The 2010 Confounding Expectations Award, but for opposite reasons. Ho-hum.
The Jumpers For Goalposts Award for silly entertainment value goes to Tottenham Hotspur, who continue to rewrite the Chumps League rulebook, playing a 1-1-8 formation, flying in the face of all logic. Marvellous.
The Bernie Eccleston Award for overbearing self interest goes to FIFA, who as we all know are a bunch of CAUCs. Also recipients of the Norman Lamont Award for ludicrous decision of the year, by awarding Qatar the World Cup in 2022, which makes their giving the 2018 tourneé to Russia seem the height of good sense!
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| It's not often one sides with the Aussies, but... (Pic courtesy of http://www.binstock.com.au/monumental-masons-advice/) |
David Cameron, William Windsor and Sir David of Beckham jointly receive the Sycophant-Varlet Award for oleaginous obsequiousness in the face of impossible odds.
The Benito Mussolini Scoffing Braggart Award is retained for fifth successive year by the whey faced poltroon that is Rafael Benitez. The award was originally held in perpetuity by José Mourinho, but Sgnr B has given it a whole new dimension.
Cricket
I'm writing this on Boxing Day, having stayed up late listening to us skittling the Aussies out for a paltry 98 in the first innings of the fourth and hopefully decisive Test. Some of the shots they played were with all the conviction of a Liberal Democrat in the voting lobby. We are 157 without loss in reply. Yee and indeed, hah!
The Brian Johnson Bats & Willies Awards
The Up & Down Like The Assyrian Empire Award for continued inconsistency goes to Kevin Pietersen, who is either brilliant or shite, depending how long he spent in front of the mirror before walking to the crease.
The Sir Geoffrey Boycott Award for being a curmudgeonly old git goes to....Sir Geoffrey Boycott, a man who would find fault in our performances even if we won every match by an innings and umpteen runs.
The Delusions of Adequacy Award goes to Wallace & Gromit bit part player, gormless Aussie captain Ricky Ponting, who has never been known to use a word that might get you looking for a dictionary. Actually, I almost feel sorry for Punter....NO, NO....STOP THAT NOW!!
Rugby
What I know about Rugby is contained herein....Northampton Saints look quite good this season, and the "ball" ain't a ball at all, but I'm not really entitled to comment.
TV
On 1st January 2010 David Tennant was replaced by Matt Smith as Dr Who, obstensibly a kids TV show which maintains a fascination for a large number of adults, although I find myself less and less interested in it. The Christmas special held my attention for, ooh, all of 20 minutes, after which I read a book. These comments will go against the grain of almost all my friends, but hey, if we all liked the same things life would be pretty dull. Miss Gillen is rather enticing one has to admit, but she wasn't in the special enough to make the show hold my gaze.
Coronation Street continues to be the only soap I have any time for, and unlike the slimepit of chavviness that is Eastenders, still has its moral compass intact. Watch out for that tram!
Big Brother finally spluttered to a long overdue end. Did anyone notice or care?
A highlight was the barking mad but very watchable Luther starring the charismatic Idris Elba. Wallander (the Swedish versions) was and is fab. The beauty of this programme is the minutiae of its character development, where the slow pace allows the director to zoom in on the smallest facet. Brilliant! In a similar vein character wise was the understated but very effective Roger & Val Just Got In, on the surface a comedy, but really nothing of the sort.
Sprawling but marvellous nonsense drama Lost came to a rather clever end (couldn't really have been anything else..) which polarised opinion amongst fans. I rather liked it. Also ending in 2010 in a weirdly similar fashion was the fab Ashes To Ashes, whose iconic Gene Hunt will be missed. Dexter continues to be the best USA drama and just gets better and better, Fringe is mad and getting madder, The Walking Dead (or The Walking Egg as it has become known in our corner of Shoesville) starring Andrew Lincoln with a terrible Southern accent, promised a lot but didn't deliver, as did The Event (or The Quiz Broadcast or Remain Indoors), both of which I've given up on.
Comedy of the year was Rob Brydon & Steve Coogan's The Trip, which if you haven't seen it is a must to hunt down on i-Player. Again, subtle character observation was the key, but this time with enough sight gags and larking about to fill it out properly "..........I'm trapped in a box..........."
Also rather good was Alan Davies in Chef. I still watch The Big Bang Theory (thanks Neil) which has some great oneliners, and Kaley Cuoco is simply gorgeous. As far as I'm aware nobody I know watches it, but they probably should. Peep Show continues to be awesome in a cringeworthy stylee - some of you know this, those that don't should find out. Super Hans, who has his own Facebook fan page, gets some great lines:
Jez) "But Hans, people like lager"
Hans) "People like Coldpay and voting for the nazis, people can't be trusted"
or "I'd probably be very angry with you right now, if I weren't so incredibly high."
or ""We're gonna have a party that goes beyond fun, and gets really really nasty."
or "don't piss on my strawberries Mark!"
Super Hans for Minister of Culture!!
Strictly Come Dancing started off by annoying me intensely, but once I let go of the inner grumpy old git, it was rather fun. Who would have thought that the still lovely Felicity Kendall is older than Tory hag Widdecombe? Pamela Stevenson should have won, but she wasn't young enough.
The only other "reality" show I watch is The Apprentice, which always has at least one candidate who is a complete fuckwit, such as "“I’m Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’ – I’ve got a certain type of charisma.” He's also came up with:
"I'm alive: there are so many people that aren't alive or have died, unfortunately. I'm alive; that's a gift, frankly. I wake up early every morning once I've had the sleep I need. I go out and make money."
“I’m not a one-trick pony, I’m not a 10-trick pony, I’m a whole field of ponies – and they’re literally all running towards this job.”
...all without a trace of irony! Priceless!
Films
I don't watch films as a rule, I've still got a sealed copy of The Lord Of The Rings boxset from whenever it came out! B bought me the Godfather Trilogy this Xmas, and I will actually watch that, as it is one of the few cinematic epics that I'd watch more than once. Well, I & II anyway.
Grub & Drink
2011 sees the departure of Paul & Krystyna from 2010 Pub Of Choice, The Queen Adelaide in Kingsthorpe. We wish them good luck in their new venture. Let's hope high standards are maintained by the new owner who is a current regular, so one assumes he knows what makes the place tick. Thanks also to Billy, Harriet, Kelly & Dave for being affable in the face of us grumpy old men!
Pooja Restaurant in Wellingborough - a strange but mostly wonderful experience throughout 2010, and no doubt we'll be back as it is the only place we'll be able to afford to eat out at!
Thai Nam Tip, Marefair, Northampton had one visit in 2010, and if money was no object I'd go at least once a month. Divine.
Sundry Bollocks
Acronym of the year CAUC, closely followed by CJT (sorry Colin!). NATSO still rides strong.
Try this http://www.umop.com/acronym/acronym.php to generate your own. Their definitions of CAUC & CJT are not what those in the know would recognise, as they manage to do it with out any Anglo Saxon! Still funny though - try typing CRASS in there for example.
As is trad in our house on Xmas Day, B & I have a lie-in and open our prezzies in bed. One of B's was a pair of micro-waveable foot warmers, which included the handy warning on the packaging "Do not ingest contents" - ok, we'll try not to! Did Frank Zappa ever write a tune called Don't Eat Your Slippers? If not, I think Dweezil should! Christmas Day was probably the coldest I can remember. The temperature on the decking when I got up at a leisurely 10:30 was -6C. Boy, it must have been cold on Xmas Eve. Even partying Geordies must have been wearing long sleeved t-shirts that night.
Finally, apropos of nowt at all...
An exchange between John Wilkes and the Earl of Sandwich (both English Parliamentarians of the 18th century):
–The Earl: “Egad, sir, I do not know whether you will die at the gallows or of the pox.”
–Wilkes: “That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your women.”
Wahey! Imagine Cameron & Millibrand saying similar...no neither can I.
All you lot out there in 'pooter land, have as good a 2011 as can be managed, see you at the barricades.
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