31 Jan 2011
Transfer deadline day as it happens...
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28 Jan 2011
A Song For The Trees
 |
| This land is our land |
This is the transcript of recent emails between our local lapdog Tory MP, and yours truly. The first email from me to the MP was a generic as part of online campaign group 38 Degrees' efforts to stop the privatisation of forests currently run by the Forestry Commission:
Dear Mr xxxxx MP
I don't want our public woodlands to be sold off. I think they our precious places and should be kept in public hands for future generations.
Will you vote against the law which would make it legal to sell off 100% of our woodlands when it comes before Parliament? Will you join the campaign to protect woodlands for future generations, and to make sure that public access and woodland wildlife don't suffer?
please let me know where you stand,
............................................................................................
My MP's reply was almost certainly his stock answer to any query on this isuue:
Dear Mr T,
Thank you for your email regarding forests and the Government's consultation on the matter.
Did you know that the Forestry Commission currently only owns 18% of Britain's forests? That means that 82% is in private hands and is still protected. It seems to me that much of the media coverage is missing this fact. I am happy to support this consultation, and should it be recommended, the opening up of the possibility of this 18% of forests to be treated in the same way as the other 82%.
If action of this nature is to be taken after the consultation, the Government will ensure that safeguards are in place that will continue to guarantee freedom of access for walkers and all those who want to enjoy the forests. We will not compromise the protection of our most valuable and biodiverse forests. The Forestry Commission has and will play an important role in protecting and expanding the trees, woods and forests in England.
Thank you again for taking the time to write to me. If I can be of assistance in any further matter please do not hesitate to contact me again.
Yours sincerely,
xxxxxxx xxxxx
.............................................................................................
So, I replied with a question I already know the answer to just to see what, if any, his reply would be:
Dear Mr xxxxx
Thank you for your reply. I was surprised to read your statistic that only 18% of our forests are run by The Forestry Commission. One suspects however that a significant proportion of the 82% of forests in private hands are not what the layman would recognise as such, and are merely labelled "forests" for tax or EC grant purposes. What I would like to know, as you have far better access to the relevant records than I, is of The New Forest, The Forest Of Dean, Kielder Forest, and more locally to your constituency Salcey Forest which are privately owned? It is these kind of places the public are most concerned about.
The anti privatisation protest is unusual in that it has participants from all walks of life, from tree hugging environmentalists, to suburbanites to peers of the realm, including a former head of The Forestry Commission, and all points in between. Your party and you would do well to remember this and listen to for once genuine public opinion rather than follow narrow ideology which seems to be a rising trend in this Government.
Yours Sincerely
Roger T
.............................................................................................
...and here is the response, which in typical prevaricating fashion, does not answer my question, merely skirts around it...
Dear Mr T,
Thank you for your response.
My understanding is that 69% of the total forest estate is already privatised yet fully open to the public and regulated by Government orders. This means that of the 82% that is currently privately owned forest land 85% of it is fully accessible. The rest will be places used by entities like the Center Parcs corporation – which have been by no means torn down or blocked forests from the public.
You might also be interested to know that the Government plans to give special protection to ancient forests such as the Forest of Dean and Sherwood Forest, amongst others. This is over and above the standard protection given to forest land.
I do understand that there is a strength of feeling on this matter amongst some but I do believe that a full appraisal of the facts and the detailed proposal published by the Government should allay any fears.
Thank you again for taking the time to write to me. If I can be of assistance in any further matter please do not hesitate to contact me again.
Yours sincerely,
xxxxxxx xxxxx
My highlights - Bringing the likes of Center Parcs into the argument opens a whole new can of worms. Can one wander through their "forest" land unchallenged? I doubt it. His comment that "I do understand that there is a strength of feeling on this matter amongst some" must rank as understatement of the month! 38 Degrees' online petition alone has 282297 signatures as I write, and all kinds of folk are involved in the wider debate. "Some" indeed.
I feel there is little point in continuing the argument, in particular his avoidance of my query, as apart from anything else work is mad at the moment, and the odds are that more pressing enquiry would either be ignored or spun out of kilter. Ah well ,one tries!
............................................................................................................................................
The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a
green thing that stands in the way. Some see Nature all ridicule and
deformity, and some scarce see Nature at all. But to the eyes of the
man of imagination, Nature is Imagination itself.
- William Blake, 1799, The Letters
26 Jan 2011
Monkey Say, Monkey Sacked
Andy Gray is a 55 year old working class bloke, albeit a very well heeled one, who made a few run-of-the-mill unfunny and old as the hills sexist comments typical of a man of his age group and background about the fairer sex that for him were unfortunately recorded and put in the public domain. The fact that Gray holds these attitudes is about as surprising as learning that The Pope is a Catholic, that bears do indeed shit in the woods, or that Marcel Proust has never been on Wayne Rooney's reading list. You may contend that Gray is a dinosaur or an oaf, and what he and his increasingly beleaguered colleague Richard Keys have been recorded saying is certainly crass, insensitive, etc etc, but did he really deserve to get sacked? Jeez, if every man who ever made a sexist comment at work were fired, the remaining workforce would be 100% female. Show me a man who has never made a sexist comment and I'll show you a mute, who has most likely said "Look at the norks on that" or similar in sign language. Hmmm....I wonder what the signing is for "norks"?
Equally, after all equality is what it all boils down to, in a workplace dominated by women (social care, or nursing for example) I'm sure you will find sexism directed at the male minority workforce, and no-one complains. Sexism is I'm afraid, part of (mostly male) human nature and will never be curtailed by crazy politically correct actions such as Gray's sacking. Of all the "isms" sexism is the least to worry about. Racism, homophobia, ageism are all more important. Sure, sack someone for sexual harassment, which should never be tolerated, but sexism? No, a stiff telling off will do surely?
Gray's hitherto annoyingly smug colleague Richard Keys has so far only been temporarily suspended, but isn't it time to move him on anyway? This man has less charisma and more hair than a chimney sweep's brush.
It's amazing he's still in his job after all these years. As for Gray, as a pundit he was just average, not great (Hansen) or rubbish (Lawrenson), merely average. One assumes he has arranged his alleged £1.7M contract in a similar way to the football people he passed comment on, which entails Sky paying him off in the event of him being sacked, rather than handing him a P45 and telling him to clear his desk pronto, as would happen to you or I. There is no justice.
So although I don't agree with the manner of his departure, Sky's football coverage may well now get the injection of youth that it sorely needs.
.............................................................................................
If the GDP figures for the three months to 31st March 2011 show a decline then we are officially in a double dip recession, following the shock horror surprise that for the three months ended December 31st the economy shrank by 0.5%. Out here in the real world that was no surprise at all as anyone with any contact with small businesses will tell you.
Unlike the first recession this one is solely the fault of Lord Snooty and his Eton chums as folk are scared to spend money in the likelihood they are about to be made redundant sometime this year following the impact of the savage and unnecessary cuts in, well just about everything.
We are all going to die...
..........................................................................................
Just caught five minutes of The National Television Awards on ITV. The part I watched had the following nominations for the Comedy Award: Outnumbered, Michael McIntyre, Benidorm & Harry Hill's TV Burp. J Harry Christ on a stick, what a load of shite. What about Roger & Val Just Got In, The Trip, Peep Show? Not a mention. The winner, voted for by "You, the general public" was godawful 70s throwback Benidorm. The "general public" should all be taken out and shot.
.............................................................................................
Finally, something quite odd but strangely moving...
Equally, after all equality is what it all boils down to, in a workplace dominated by women (social care, or nursing for example) I'm sure you will find sexism directed at the male minority workforce, and no-one complains. Sexism is I'm afraid, part of (mostly male) human nature and will never be curtailed by crazy politically correct actions such as Gray's sacking. Of all the "isms" sexism is the least to worry about. Racism, homophobia, ageism are all more important. Sure, sack someone for sexual harassment, which should never be tolerated, but sexism? No, a stiff telling off will do surely?
Gray's hitherto annoyingly smug colleague Richard Keys has so far only been temporarily suspended, but isn't it time to move him on anyway? This man has less charisma and more hair than a chimney sweep's brush.
 |
| Richard Keys rues his recent behaviour... |
It's amazing he's still in his job after all these years. As for Gray, as a pundit he was just average, not great (Hansen) or rubbish (Lawrenson), merely average. One assumes he has arranged his alleged £1.7M contract in a similar way to the football people he passed comment on, which entails Sky paying him off in the event of him being sacked, rather than handing him a P45 and telling him to clear his desk pronto, as would happen to you or I. There is no justice.
So although I don't agree with the manner of his departure, Sky's football coverage may well now get the injection of youth that it sorely needs.
.............................................................................................
If the GDP figures for the three months to 31st March 2011 show a decline then we are officially in a double dip recession, following the shock horror surprise that for the three months ended December 31st the economy shrank by 0.5%. Out here in the real world that was no surprise at all as anyone with any contact with small businesses will tell you.
Unlike the first recession this one is solely the fault of Lord Snooty and his Eton chums as folk are scared to spend money in the likelihood they are about to be made redundant sometime this year following the impact of the savage and unnecessary cuts in, well just about everything.
We are all going to die...
..........................................................................................
Just caught five minutes of The National Television Awards on ITV. The part I watched had the following nominations for the Comedy Award: Outnumbered, Michael McIntyre, Benidorm & Harry Hill's TV Burp. J Harry Christ on a stick, what a load of shite. What about Roger & Val Just Got In, The Trip, Peep Show? Not a mention. The winner, voted for by "You, the general public" was godawful 70s throwback Benidorm. The "general public" should all be taken out and shot.
.............................................................................................
Finally, something quite odd but strangely moving...
22 Jan 2011
Three O'Clock Blues
I threatened to do it, so here it is...
Everyone loves "Blue" Bill Kenwright...
As an example of the fantasy land that English Premier League football lives in take my club Everton. No. please, take it, it'll only cost you about £10.58. Seriously though to say that the oldest club in Liverpool is ascloseasthis to going down the swanee is an understatement, and goes curiously unreported in the press. If Everton Football Club Ltd were a "normal" trading company panic buttons would be hit with some force, but since when has football lived in the real world? I suppose that because there must be at least half the EPL in a similar position makes The Toffees plight un-newsworthy.
This week Everton sold their current best player Steven Pienaar to Spurs for around £2.5M. In the last close season our then best player Mikel Arteta was awarded a new contract at £75K per week, smashing the club's previously rigorously enforced wage structure in the process, and "Peanuts" left because quite rightly, and leaving aside the ridiculous sums being paid, he felt he should be on a financial par with Arteta, as on this season's performances Pienaar has easily our-performed the Spaniard who has been strangely subdued since bloating his bank balance. Although it is thought he was offered an improved contract, it was not on a par with Arteta's and the prospect of a pay rise and Champion's League football at Spurs was too much to resist. I do not blame him and good luck to him, he has served us well since arriving from Borussia Dortmund in 2007.
The only striker we have who has a past proven capability of regularly scoring goals has been loaned out to Championship side Leicester City with an option to buy in May, as rumour has it to get his wages off the books. Another striker will probably be loaned to Celtic for the rest of the season. The only logical explanation for this is again, to get the wage bill down. It certainly makes no sense from a football perspective.
In the last umpteen transfer windows we have made either a negative or very small net spend, with around £6M net spent on players in the year to 31st May 2009, the last year for which accounts are available. Other clubs with a similar debt level to ours manage to continually sign new payers yet we struggle to even obtain loanees as we cannot afford the associated fees. We are now most definitely a selling club, selling a top player every now and then simply to balance the books. For a club that has come very close to breaking the top four glass ceiling on a number of occasions this is mighty disappointing from a fan's perspective. "Who will be going next?" - that's the question on fans' lips now. Actually "balance the books" is an exaggeration, it's more like to make the books look slightly less bleak.
A cursory look at Companies House website shows Everton Football Club Limited currently have listed forty seven (!) Particulars Of A Mortgage Or Charge (basically notifications of assets being secured against loans). How many of these are still outstanding is not known, but it gives some indication as to where the club's income is going, namely loan repayments and financing loan interest. Virtually everything the club own, including future revenue streams from season ticket sales and television money is in hock.
The company is unusually late filing its 31st May 2010 accounts at Companies House, and has until 28th February to do so without incurring a penalty. It could be that the delay is down to the auditors asking for a plan to show how the company intends to remain trading for more than the following twelve months, which is a duty of the appointed number crunchers, and until they are satisfied with the club's answers will not sign the accounts off.
Looking at the 31st May 2009 accounts may give some clue as to the company's plight. On a turnover of almost £80M, 61% (!) of which comes from TV money, £49M was paid out in wages and the accounts show a loss for the year of £7M. The total amount of monies owed was nearly £79M (fig A), coincidentally almost the same as the turnover. The total of fixed assets (mainly the wonderful but seriously dilapidated stadium) plus intangible assets (mainly player's registrations) plus monies owed to the club was nearly £54M (fig B). If you subtract A from B you can see that the club has a balance sheet value of minus £25M. Says it all really.
On the same day as Peanuts went to Spurs, Aston Villa, a club of similar size if slightly inferior history to Everton splashed out £18M on striker Darren Bent, a position Everton would love to fill but are financially unable to. The disparity in the two clubs access to funds could not be more starkly highlighted, Of all the new breed of owners Villa's Randy Lerner is probably the most respected, and why Blue Bill in his much trumpeted (by him) "24/7" hunt for new owners or investors with clout has not found anyone since becoming the second largest shareholder in 1999 and subsequently becoming the largest single shareholder now with just over 25% of the shares remains a mystery; especially when the likes of Blackburn, Sunderland, Villa, Manchester City and numerous others of lesser tradition have had no problem in finding new owners. One suspects Bill's various share acquisitions in Everton over the years since he first became a director in 1984 were at least partly financed by his mega rich friend Sir Philip Green who although never a director or shareholder at Everton seems to be pulling the strings through his connection on the board, Robert Earl a known Kenwright ally. Earl at 31st May 2009 owned just over 23% of the shares and Sir Philip Carter, long time club servant owns just over 2% of the shares, so together with Bill these three make up a majority. This is all speculation but my guess is Green will not let Bill sell until his private loan is repaid, with interest. Ironically, Green, being Jewish is naturally enough a Spurs fan, and I think Earl might be too.
Until Bill is in a position to sell his beloved train set, even if only to someone or business that will only clear the debts à la Liverpool then the best the long suffering fans can hope for is mid table water treading and the worst does not bear contemplation. With David Moyes publicly stating that he has not enjoyed the last four or five transfer windows as they have "been difficult for us" is also a worrying sign, given that Moyes is very loyal to his chairman, and this kind of language from him, a man of Presbyterian understatement, is quite alarming.
To end on a more positive note, the money from Pienaar's sale seems to have been used to secure new contracts for the impressive Seamus Coleman and the not so impressive Victor Anichebe, and the loan signing of defender Eric Dier from Sporting Lisbon, who is eligible for dual Portuguese/British nationality.
The only way is....sideways?
Footnote - today's draw with bottom of the table West Ham shows us to be without a leader on the pitch, and our one attacking outlet down the left has gone. We are an average team with an over cautious manager. We will stay up this season, but things need to change, both on and off the pitch.
Everyone loves "Blue" Bill Kenwright...
As an example of the fantasy land that English Premier League football lives in take my club Everton. No. please, take it, it'll only cost you about £10.58. Seriously though to say that the oldest club in Liverpool is ascloseasthis to going down the swanee is an understatement, and goes curiously unreported in the press. If Everton Football Club Ltd were a "normal" trading company panic buttons would be hit with some force, but since when has football lived in the real world? I suppose that because there must be at least half the EPL in a similar position makes The Toffees plight un-newsworthy.
This week Everton sold their current best player Steven Pienaar to Spurs for around £2.5M. In the last close season our then best player Mikel Arteta was awarded a new contract at £75K per week, smashing the club's previously rigorously enforced wage structure in the process, and "Peanuts" left because quite rightly, and leaving aside the ridiculous sums being paid, he felt he should be on a financial par with Arteta, as on this season's performances Pienaar has easily our-performed the Spaniard who has been strangely subdued since bloating his bank balance. Although it is thought he was offered an improved contract, it was not on a par with Arteta's and the prospect of a pay rise and Champion's League football at Spurs was too much to resist. I do not blame him and good luck to him, he has served us well since arriving from Borussia Dortmund in 2007.
The only striker we have who has a past proven capability of regularly scoring goals has been loaned out to Championship side Leicester City with an option to buy in May, as rumour has it to get his wages off the books. Another striker will probably be loaned to Celtic for the rest of the season. The only logical explanation for this is again, to get the wage bill down. It certainly makes no sense from a football perspective.
In the last umpteen transfer windows we have made either a negative or very small net spend, with around £6M net spent on players in the year to 31st May 2009, the last year for which accounts are available. Other clubs with a similar debt level to ours manage to continually sign new payers yet we struggle to even obtain loanees as we cannot afford the associated fees. We are now most definitely a selling club, selling a top player every now and then simply to balance the books. For a club that has come very close to breaking the top four glass ceiling on a number of occasions this is mighty disappointing from a fan's perspective. "Who will be going next?" - that's the question on fans' lips now. Actually "balance the books" is an exaggeration, it's more like to make the books look slightly less bleak.
A cursory look at Companies House website shows Everton Football Club Limited currently have listed forty seven (!) Particulars Of A Mortgage Or Charge (basically notifications of assets being secured against loans). How many of these are still outstanding is not known, but it gives some indication as to where the club's income is going, namely loan repayments and financing loan interest. Virtually everything the club own, including future revenue streams from season ticket sales and television money is in hock.
The company is unusually late filing its 31st May 2010 accounts at Companies House, and has until 28th February to do so without incurring a penalty. It could be that the delay is down to the auditors asking for a plan to show how the company intends to remain trading for more than the following twelve months, which is a duty of the appointed number crunchers, and until they are satisfied with the club's answers will not sign the accounts off.
Looking at the 31st May 2009 accounts may give some clue as to the company's plight. On a turnover of almost £80M, 61% (!) of which comes from TV money, £49M was paid out in wages and the accounts show a loss for the year of £7M. The total amount of monies owed was nearly £79M (fig A), coincidentally almost the same as the turnover. The total of fixed assets (mainly the wonderful but seriously dilapidated stadium) plus intangible assets (mainly player's registrations) plus monies owed to the club was nearly £54M (fig B). If you subtract A from B you can see that the club has a balance sheet value of minus £25M. Says it all really.
On the same day as Peanuts went to Spurs, Aston Villa, a club of similar size if slightly inferior history to Everton splashed out £18M on striker Darren Bent, a position Everton would love to fill but are financially unable to. The disparity in the two clubs access to funds could not be more starkly highlighted, Of all the new breed of owners Villa's Randy Lerner is probably the most respected, and why Blue Bill in his much trumpeted (by him) "24/7" hunt for new owners or investors with clout has not found anyone since becoming the second largest shareholder in 1999 and subsequently becoming the largest single shareholder now with just over 25% of the shares remains a mystery; especially when the likes of Blackburn, Sunderland, Villa, Manchester City and numerous others of lesser tradition have had no problem in finding new owners. One suspects Bill's various share acquisitions in Everton over the years since he first became a director in 1984 were at least partly financed by his mega rich friend Sir Philip Green who although never a director or shareholder at Everton seems to be pulling the strings through his connection on the board, Robert Earl a known Kenwright ally. Earl at 31st May 2009 owned just over 23% of the shares and Sir Philip Carter, long time club servant owns just over 2% of the shares, so together with Bill these three make up a majority. This is all speculation but my guess is Green will not let Bill sell until his private loan is repaid, with interest. Ironically, Green, being Jewish is naturally enough a Spurs fan, and I think Earl might be too.
Until Bill is in a position to sell his beloved train set, even if only to someone or business that will only clear the debts à la Liverpool then the best the long suffering fans can hope for is mid table water treading and the worst does not bear contemplation. With David Moyes publicly stating that he has not enjoyed the last four or five transfer windows as they have "been difficult for us" is also a worrying sign, given that Moyes is very loyal to his chairman, and this kind of language from him, a man of Presbyterian understatement, is quite alarming.
To end on a more positive note, the money from Pienaar's sale seems to have been used to secure new contracts for the impressive Seamus Coleman and the not so impressive Victor Anichebe, and the loan signing of defender Eric Dier from Sporting Lisbon, who is eligible for dual Portuguese/British nationality.
The only way is....sideways?
Footnote - today's draw with bottom of the table West Ham shows us to be without a leader on the pitch, and our one attacking outlet down the left has gone. We are an average team with an over cautious manager. We will stay up this season, but things need to change, both on and off the pitch.
16 Jan 2011
Into The Great Wide Open
With the footy season now into its second half, I thought I'd have a look back at my pre-season predictions.
Based on the current league positions:
1. Man City (Prediction1) - OK, they have played three more games than Utd, and in all likelihood probably won't do it, but at the moment - spot on!
2. Man Utd (P3) - an hour or so after I publish this could well be top again. Ho-hum.
3. Arsenal (P4) - There or thereabouts.
4. Chelsea (P2) - What on earth is going on at Stamford Bridge? Nobody knows, least of all the players it seems. May have got over their inexplicable plummet from grace.
5. Spurs (P5) - Say no more.
6. Sunderland (P10) - I'm way off, and it has to be said Steve Bruce's men look a good bet for a Europa League place.
7. Bolton (P19) - Oh dear!
8. Stoke (P13) - I reckon my prediction will not be that far out, he says hopefully!
9. Newcastle (P17) - Gawd blimey...
10. Blackpool (P20) - I really haven't a clue....in the case of Holloway's mob, neither have most others.
11. Blackburn (P14) - See Stoke.
12. Everton (P7) - No effin' comment...but still might make 7th.
13. Liverpool (P6) - No chance of 6th, can't say I'm too dischuffed...:)
14. West Brom (P18) - Could go either way.
15. Fulham (P15) - Wahey!
16. Birmingham (P9) - Harumpff....
17. Aston Villa (P8) - Who woulda thunk it?
18. Wigan (P16) - About there.
19. Wolves (P12) - Wrong again...
20. West Ham (P11) - ...and again...
Based on 10 points for a correct placing, 5 for one place out, 3 for 2 places out and -10 for more than five places adrift, I've got -34!! Bleedin' hopeless...
..............................................................................................
Congrats to the Aussies on their not unexpected comeback in the last T20 and the first one dayer, Shane Watson especially for his match winning 161 not out off 150 balls. The BBC website headline writers seem to be having a mathematical synapse overload, this is their match report headline:
Shane Watson century too much for England in Melbourne
First one-day international, Melbourne:
Australia 285-4 (49.1 ovs) beat England 294 (49.4 ovs) by six wickets....Hmmmm...
..............................................................................................
Last year we had the misfortune of staying in the charm free concrete jungle that is Telford. Today a friend sent me this from the local rag which should put you off for life...
...apparently local plod and council are not amused!
Based on the current league positions:
1. Man City (Prediction1) - OK, they have played three more games than Utd, and in all likelihood probably won't do it, but at the moment - spot on!
2. Man Utd (P3) - an hour or so after I publish this could well be top again. Ho-hum.
3. Arsenal (P4) - There or thereabouts.
4. Chelsea (P2) - What on earth is going on at Stamford Bridge? Nobody knows, least of all the players it seems. May have got over their inexplicable plummet from grace.
5. Spurs (P5) - Say no more.
6. Sunderland (P10) - I'm way off, and it has to be said Steve Bruce's men look a good bet for a Europa League place.
7. Bolton (P19) - Oh dear!
8. Stoke (P13) - I reckon my prediction will not be that far out, he says hopefully!
9. Newcastle (P17) - Gawd blimey...
10. Blackpool (P20) - I really haven't a clue....in the case of Holloway's mob, neither have most others.
11. Blackburn (P14) - See Stoke.
12. Everton (P7) - No effin' comment...but still might make 7th.
13. Liverpool (P6) - No chance of 6th, can't say I'm too dischuffed...:)
14. West Brom (P18) - Could go either way.
15. Fulham (P15) - Wahey!
16. Birmingham (P9) - Harumpff....
17. Aston Villa (P8) - Who woulda thunk it?
18. Wigan (P16) - About there.
19. Wolves (P12) - Wrong again...
20. West Ham (P11) - ...and again...
Based on 10 points for a correct placing, 5 for one place out, 3 for 2 places out and -10 for more than five places adrift, I've got -34!! Bleedin' hopeless...
..............................................................................................
Congrats to the Aussies on their not unexpected comeback in the last T20 and the first one dayer, Shane Watson especially for his match winning 161 not out off 150 balls. The BBC website headline writers seem to be having a mathematical synapse overload, this is their match report headline:
Shane Watson century too much for England in Melbourne
First one-day international, Melbourne:
Australia 285-4 (49.1 ovs) beat England 294 (49.4 ovs) by six wickets....Hmmmm...
..............................................................................................
Last year we had the misfortune of staying in the charm free concrete jungle that is Telford. Today a friend sent me this from the local rag which should put you off for life...
...apparently local plod and council are not amused!
15 Jan 2011
Turkeys?
Episodes
I am one of only four people in the entire population of the UK & the USA who can lay claim to the statistical anomaly of never having watched an entire episode of enormo-hit sitcom Friends. I watched about three quarters of either the first or second episode of the first season, decided it was full of self absorbed smug self satisfied arseholes who in normal life one would cross the street to avoid, and never watched it again. Not that I've anything against self absorbed smug self satisfied arseholes as I thought Ricky Gervais in The Office was marvellous, it's just that in the twenty minutes or so of Friends I watched not a glimmer of an inward smile could even be detected. Enough reason to not watch it, after all I had a life back then!
The fact that new BBC2 non-comedy Episodes is written by the writers behind Friends initially put me off, but starring as it does Tamsin Greig & Stephen Mangan reprising a partnership first forged in the mad C4 comedy drama Green Wing, which I loved, was enough reason to give it a go. The first - ahem - episode as scene setter introduces us to a husband and wife writing partnership Sean & Beverly Lincoln (Mangan & Greig) who are transported to LA in order to recreate their hit UK sitcom for American audiences. Matt Le Blanc, who apparently was a star of Friends, playing himself, is briefly introduced in the first scene when his car collides with an oncoming car being driven on the wrong (UK) side of the road by Beverley. It is also apparent that Sean harbours fantasies for one of the American TV company's hot totties. Then we go back "Two years earlier" to the real beginning when they were first approached by the US TV executive at a UK awards show.
Although there were no laugh out loud moments, Episodes shows some promise, but the running gag with the guard at the entrance to the gated Hollywood community Bev & Sean are staying not recognising them, and the electronic voice that lets everyone know "The front door is ajar" each time it's opened are already tiresome. I can see it disappearing up its own anus in a fog of self reference, but I might be wrong.
Episodes will have to go some to even come close to BBC2's last two quiet comedies, Roger & Val Just Got In and the excruciatingly good The Trip.
Is Episodes a turkey? Very possibly, but watch this space.
...........................................................................................
Primeval
This load of old guff on ITV, involving time travelling dinosaurs and time travelling ex-wives with a grudge was scrapped in 2009 for being, well, shite, has, for some inexplicable reason been given a reprieve. With the help of, among others, BBC Worldwide, who know a thing or two about exporting TV shows, it has had a load of cash thrown at it, so the special effects now at least merit the first part of the description, and the HQ of the Anomaly Research Centre has been given a complete makeover and now looks like a modern era Star Trek set.
An extra £5.36 has been spent on the script and there's now evolving sub-plots centred around an enigmatic academic looking chap who seems to live in a country pile in the middle of The Lost Gardens Of Heligan, along with another featuring a strange couple from the nineteenth century, the male of whom could well be a Victorian serial killer. Primeval still seems to be a "Monster Of The Week" fest for all that.
A turkey? Most certainly, but entertaining in a mindlessly bonkers fashion.
I am one of only four people in the entire population of the UK & the USA who can lay claim to the statistical anomaly of never having watched an entire episode of enormo-hit sitcom Friends. I watched about three quarters of either the first or second episode of the first season, decided it was full of self absorbed smug self satisfied arseholes who in normal life one would cross the street to avoid, and never watched it again. Not that I've anything against self absorbed smug self satisfied arseholes as I thought Ricky Gervais in The Office was marvellous, it's just that in the twenty minutes or so of Friends I watched not a glimmer of an inward smile could even be detected. Enough reason to not watch it, after all I had a life back then!
The fact that new BBC2 non-comedy Episodes is written by the writers behind Friends initially put me off, but starring as it does Tamsin Greig & Stephen Mangan reprising a partnership first forged in the mad C4 comedy drama Green Wing, which I loved, was enough reason to give it a go. The first - ahem - episode as scene setter introduces us to a husband and wife writing partnership Sean & Beverly Lincoln (Mangan & Greig) who are transported to LA in order to recreate their hit UK sitcom for American audiences. Matt Le Blanc, who apparently was a star of Friends, playing himself, is briefly introduced in the first scene when his car collides with an oncoming car being driven on the wrong (UK) side of the road by Beverley. It is also apparent that Sean harbours fantasies for one of the American TV company's hot totties. Then we go back "Two years earlier" to the real beginning when they were first approached by the US TV executive at a UK awards show.
Although there were no laugh out loud moments, Episodes shows some promise, but the running gag with the guard at the entrance to the gated Hollywood community Bev & Sean are staying not recognising them, and the electronic voice that lets everyone know "The front door is ajar" each time it's opened are already tiresome. I can see it disappearing up its own anus in a fog of self reference, but I might be wrong.
Episodes will have to go some to even come close to BBC2's last two quiet comedies, Roger & Val Just Got In and the excruciatingly good The Trip.
Is Episodes a turkey? Very possibly, but watch this space.
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Primeval
This load of old guff on ITV, involving time travelling dinosaurs and time travelling ex-wives with a grudge was scrapped in 2009 for being, well, shite, has, for some inexplicable reason been given a reprieve. With the help of, among others, BBC Worldwide, who know a thing or two about exporting TV shows, it has had a load of cash thrown at it, so the special effects now at least merit the first part of the description, and the HQ of the Anomaly Research Centre has been given a complete makeover and now looks like a modern era Star Trek set.
An extra £5.36 has been spent on the script and there's now evolving sub-plots centred around an enigmatic academic looking chap who seems to live in a country pile in the middle of The Lost Gardens Of Heligan, along with another featuring a strange couple from the nineteenth century, the male of whom could well be a Victorian serial killer. Primeval still seems to be a "Monster Of The Week" fest for all that.
A turkey? Most certainly, but entertaining in a mindlessly bonkers fashion.
13 Jan 2011
Moral dualism
Wayne Rooney, Emmanuel Adebayor, Carlos Tevez, John Terry, Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Rio Ferdinand, Kolo Toure, Didier Drogba, Ashley Cole, Fernando Torres, Gareth Barry, Wayne Bridge, Dimitar Berbatov, Andre Arshavin, Nicolas Anelka, Ryan Giggs.
According to this somewhat out of date list of the 50 highest paid football players, the blokes above earn a combined £98 million per year for kicking a football about, falling over and whinging a lot, and generally acting the arse. Mr Rooney's earnings in the list have been amended to reflect the alleged £250K per week he now receives since throwing his toys out of the pram a few months back. No doubt Tevez' salary is under reported too after his copycat tantrum recently was settled "amicably". In addition you could probably increase the rest listed by at least 10% to make it more accurate, so we're probably talking over £110 million a year in total. Note this is what these overpaid excuses for sportsmen are paid by their clubs. You could probably double the figures if you add in sponsorship deals.
The figure of £110 million is significant because this is the figure Manchester City Council are looking to save by axing 2000 (!) jobs, as announced today. Doubly ironic is that 9 of the 17 players listed play for the Manchester clubs. Perhaps they should reflect on this when they next drive their ludicrous motors through the city.
...............................................................................................
That first T20 game against the beleaguered Aussies was a bit squeaky bum time was it not? As much as we tried we still couldn't quite manage to throw the game away, rescued on the last ball by Warwickshire bowler Chris Woakes, who I freely admit I'd never heard of before this game. The problem is by being a Northants follower (fan is far too strong a term) I've rather lost interest in the county game, as, to be frank, throughout most of my 45 years in the county Northants have been shite. They were once bowled out for 12 by Gloucestershire in 1907, about 58 years before my time in the Rose of the Shires I hasten to add, but prescient nonetheless. Are they the only major county never to have won the County Championship? Probably!
My fondest memory of Northants is during their all too brief period of ascendancy in the late 70s and early 80s, when I got to see their three one day finals at Lords, winning two. Sarfraz Nawaz! Allan Lamb! David Steele! Jim Griffiths the Irthlingborough Paceman! Some other blokes! During one of these beanos at some point after lunch, by which time us lads were somewhat inebriated, my mate Martin found that using his legs to move about was becoming a tad problematic, so he resulted to crawling about on all fours. In this state he found himself staring at a pair of immaculately shined size twelve hobnail boots. Looking up and grinning sheepishly at PC Plod he uttered the immortal words "My, you have got big feet haven't you"! Luckily for him the copper saw the funny side, hoisted Martin up by one ear, and, grinning replied "Yes I have, and if I see you doing that again I will shove one right up yer scrawny pathetic arse". Hysterics ensued.
Digression is the thief of time as my Grandad used to say, or was it procrastination? Anyway, the marvellous bunch of Saffers that wear the three lions at the moment has made me think that I should take more interest in the county game in the coming season. Expect some barely formed sentences on the subject later in the year.
.............................................................................................
At least the Aussies haven't lost their sense of humour. This is from the Australian ABC commentary during the fifth test:
Aussie commentator Kerry O'Keefe: What was for lunch today Aggers?
Aggers: I had a nice meat pie for lunch thanks Kerry. And I have to say, you Australians certainly know how to make a good pie.
O'Keefe: We know how to bowl them too! Poor ball from Mitchell Johnson there..
...and...
Aggers: Can you guess who they've arranged to present the Ashes trophy to the victorious England team?
O'Keefe: Nelson Mandela?
Chortle!
..............................................................................................
According to this somewhat out of date list of the 50 highest paid football players, the blokes above earn a combined £98 million per year for kicking a football about, falling over and whinging a lot, and generally acting the arse. Mr Rooney's earnings in the list have been amended to reflect the alleged £250K per week he now receives since throwing his toys out of the pram a few months back. No doubt Tevez' salary is under reported too after his copycat tantrum recently was settled "amicably". In addition you could probably increase the rest listed by at least 10% to make it more accurate, so we're probably talking over £110 million a year in total. Note this is what these overpaid excuses for sportsmen are paid by their clubs. You could probably double the figures if you add in sponsorship deals.
The figure of £110 million is significant because this is the figure Manchester City Council are looking to save by axing 2000 (!) jobs, as announced today. Doubly ironic is that 9 of the 17 players listed play for the Manchester clubs. Perhaps they should reflect on this when they next drive their ludicrous motors through the city.
...............................................................................................
That first T20 game against the beleaguered Aussies was a bit squeaky bum time was it not? As much as we tried we still couldn't quite manage to throw the game away, rescued on the last ball by Warwickshire bowler Chris Woakes, who I freely admit I'd never heard of before this game. The problem is by being a Northants follower (fan is far too strong a term) I've rather lost interest in the county game, as, to be frank, throughout most of my 45 years in the county Northants have been shite. They were once bowled out for 12 by Gloucestershire in 1907, about 58 years before my time in the Rose of the Shires I hasten to add, but prescient nonetheless. Are they the only major county never to have won the County Championship? Probably!
My fondest memory of Northants is during their all too brief period of ascendancy in the late 70s and early 80s, when I got to see their three one day finals at Lords, winning two. Sarfraz Nawaz! Allan Lamb! David Steele! Jim Griffiths the Irthlingborough Paceman! Some other blokes! During one of these beanos at some point after lunch, by which time us lads were somewhat inebriated, my mate Martin found that using his legs to move about was becoming a tad problematic, so he resulted to crawling about on all fours. In this state he found himself staring at a pair of immaculately shined size twelve hobnail boots. Looking up and grinning sheepishly at PC Plod he uttered the immortal words "My, you have got big feet haven't you"! Luckily for him the copper saw the funny side, hoisted Martin up by one ear, and, grinning replied "Yes I have, and if I see you doing that again I will shove one right up yer scrawny pathetic arse". Hysterics ensued.
Digression is the thief of time as my Grandad used to say, or was it procrastination? Anyway, the marvellous bunch of Saffers that wear the three lions at the moment has made me think that I should take more interest in the county game in the coming season. Expect some barely formed sentences on the subject later in the year.
.............................................................................................
At least the Aussies haven't lost their sense of humour. This is from the Australian ABC commentary during the fifth test:
Aussie commentator Kerry O'Keefe: What was for lunch today Aggers?
Aggers: I had a nice meat pie for lunch thanks Kerry. And I have to say, you Australians certainly know how to make a good pie.
O'Keefe: We know how to bowl them too! Poor ball from Mitchell Johnson there..
...and...
Aggers: Can you guess who they've arranged to present the Ashes trophy to the victorious England team?
O'Keefe: Nelson Mandela?
Chortle!
..............................................................................................
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